It was dumping rain this morning when we headed out. My youngest and I went somewhere for 2 hours and when we came back outside the rain had cleared out and it was sunny and blue sky.
He was so excited to ride his bike outside and so I let him ride around before we left.
He began begging to head to a park.
I kept telling him that all the parks were soaked and asking him what we would do there
He insisted over and over that we could just run around on the playgrounds, even if we didn’t use the slides and other things.
We had other errands to run and I wanted to get them done. I really was not feeling the park-vibe.
But he wanted to play with me. I finally gave in and told him we could but just for a little bit.
We arrived and he wanted me to play with him. I was not feeling very energetic but it was hard to resist his requests for me to play with him. And so I did. He came up with one game we could play.
We ran around, the only ones on that wet & slippery playground for at least 45 minutes playing his game.
There was even a point where I forgot there was a bar over the steps and smacked my head into it hard. My son was so patient. He found a dry spot for us to sit for a minute while I recovered. When I felt better, we ran off again.
When we had arrived, I did not have the energy, or more, I did not know if I had the mental energy to play his games with him this morning. But my love for that sweet boy overpowered my low energy and I tried. As I did, it began to work. I began having fun with him and getting creative too!
We had fun. For quite a while before he decided he was done and that we could go.
Now, this is not my usual. More often than not, I half-heartedly join in and soon after convince him that we should go. But for some reason, not today.
I used to wonder why I wasn’t as happy.
Until I realized I stopped having fun.
I realized that I had started to focus on “all business”.
I had things I had to get done.
Tha should and had to’s took over.
I began to be more concerned with my responsibilities as a mom than my relationships.
I conflated the two.
Thinking that by fulfilling my responsibilities I was strengthening my relationships with my kids.
But for our kids, TIME is everything.
Yes, maybe one day they will appreciate all the meals you cooked, the laundry you did and the places you drove them… but right now (and later) what they will appreciate and remember most is what you did with them… not what you did for them.
It took me years to figure that out.
And to notice that was an integral part of my motherhood that was missing and that was a major contributor to why I was not as happy as I used to be.
If you find yourself in the same place,
conflating the responsibilities with the relationships…
You are never too late.
Let the relationships take priority via spending time together.
Give them your time, not your service (acts of service).
It matters more to them than you know
And more to you.
You will begin to find more of that happiness again.
That fulfillment in motherhood that you may have been feeling was missing.
You won’t regret it.
It is life changing.
